Good day Professor Blackstone
I am Nasrul Hazwan, a Year 1 student in Singapore Institute of
Technology (SIT) pursuing a degree in mechanical engineering. I am a student who
is attending your effective communication module for this semester.
In 2018, I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in
Marine and Offshore Technology. Back when I was still in secondary school, I
developed my interest in engineering from one of my subjects which is Design
and Technology (D&T). There, I was exposed to problem solving and design
thinking to overcome different problems in engineering and create solutions for
it. Furthermore, I constantly asked my teachers who taught me D&T, more
regarding the engineering industries and to share their own personal experiences.
My teachers inspired me to follow their path in engineering similar to my
interest and passion.
I believe one of my communication strengths is my tone of voice as
I am able to speak with proper intonation and rhythm of my voice that would set the
mood of the conversation. I project out my voice well enough to allow everyone
to hear my articulation. One of my communication weaknesses is a lack in confidence
when nervousness overwhelms me. There were occasions when I stuttered and sweat
profusely when nervousness strikes during presentations back in Polytechnic. As
a result, it may affect my communication with others.
Goals that I would like to achieve at the end of this module are
to further improve my communication skills. I would like to be confident when
speaking and be better at communicating in front of audience. On top of that, I would like to take
this opportunity to improve on my writing using proper grammar and good
sentence structure. I believe attaining these goals will benefit me not just
for this module, but also in my future endeavor.
Warmest regard
Nasrul Hazwan B Sumarno
MEC1281 Group 6
Editted on 8 April 2021
The letter is polite and very clear in stating background, goals as well as strengths and weaknesses.
ReplyDeleteDear Wora
DeleteThank you soo much for your kind comments and feedback.
Regards,
Nas
The letter is written clearly and concisely for all the points
ReplyDeleteDear Wei Jie
DeleteThank you soo much for your kind comments and feedback.
Regards,
Nas
Dear Nas,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this detailed introductory letter. You cover the parameters of the assignment and illustrate with examples so that it is informative. I'm impressed by your stated passion in design, for instance, but I'd like more of an explanation of what makes that true.
You do a more complete job developing other segments of this post, but I'd still like to see greater clarity in terms of language use. There are many issues to consider:
1. word forms
-- that is attended
> (Who is doing what?) ?
...who is attending your....
-- different engineering problems and create solutions for it. > (Problems, right? For it?)
-- My teachers inspired me to pursue based ... > (Your teachers insoired you to do what?)
-- one of my communication strength > (use of singular and plural: one of many...) ?
-- One of my communication weakness > ?
-- when nervous hit upon me. > (wrong word form/phrasing)
when nervousness overwhelms me.
-- occasions where I stuttered and sweat > (Verb tense and phrasing: When what happened?)
-- using proper use > (huh?)
-- I believe these goals ... > I believe achieving these goals ....
2. verb forms and tense
-- Goals that I would like to achieve at the end of this module is... > (subject-verb agreement: Goals is? )
3. sentence structure
-- Not just the ones I am lacking in such as my confidence, also to learn how I could be better in other areas. > (fragment... see https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/sentence_variety/sentence_types.html )
I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad
DeleteThank you soo much for your kind comments and feedback. I have read through your comment and feedback and will use some of the pointers that you have given to make amends in my formal letter. With the great points you have given, I am sure that my letter will turn out better than before.
Once again thank you soo much for the constructive feedback given.
Regards,
Nas
- attended.. currently you are still attending the module
ReplyDelete- "...asking more regarding..." not really stating what are you asking for? like articles, questions, resources, ect.
Letter is clear and concrete. You include past experiences and actions that supports your passion stated in here. I can also see you are courteous.
Dear Bing Shuen
DeleteThank you soo much for your kind comments and constructive feedback. I have read through your pointers and will definitely make use of these pointer and further improve my letter by making amends to the letter.
Once again, thank you soo much.
Regards,
Nas
Revised Reply of 1st email
DeleteDear Nasrul,
Thank you for sharing with us about yourself. It was great to see how much interest you had in mechanical design since secondary school. I don't think I can compare to you in that area. It is also a pleasure for me to improve our communication skills in this module together. I have read about your area of weakness, and I would like to share with you that even a speaker that sounds confident on stage will feel nervous. Everyone will have worries about how they may mess up. But it also shows how important the presentation is. So enjoy the moments of preparation and presentation.
Also, with regards to your strength in speaking, I hope that you would be able to help others in that area, as in my opinion, not many people can do that.
I would now like to share with you how you can improve your formal letter in these areas:
Instead of using "attended", which is past tense, you should use "attending" as you are currently doing so.
"...asking more regarding..." you can be specific in what you might be asking for.
Overall, your formal letter is clear and concrete. You included past experiences and actions that support your passion that you have stated. I can also see you are courteous towards your readers. I hope that even after the module, you will be able to take along with you as many learning points as possible to your career. And hopefully, you will be able to share them with other friends and colleagues.
I'm looking forward to learning from you as well.
Sincerely,
Gay Bing Shuen
MEC 1281
The letter is complete on the background and also written very clearly.
ReplyDeleteGood day
DeleteThank you soo much for your kind comments and feedback.
Regards,
Nas
The letter is complete on the background and also written very clearly.
ReplyDeleteDear Don
DeleteThank you soo much for your kind comments and feedback.
Regards,
Nas
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Nas,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your introduction letter, overall I think that it is well constructed and you also elaborated why you have chosen this course. Overall, the letter have has an appropriate tone and each paragraphs have define topics.
However, there were some minor errors I found,
1. I am a student that is attended --> I am a student that is attending
2. Goals that I would like to achieve at the end of this module is to further --> One of the goals that I woould like to achieve ...
Regards,
Jin Yao
Dear Jin Yao
DeleteThank you soo much for your kind comments and constructive feedback. I have read through your pointers and will definitely make use of these pointer and further improve my letter.
Once again, thank you soo much.
Regards,
Nas